The Truth You Need to Hear: You Are Worthy of Love

I know so many of you right now are in the midst of ending serious and long-term relationships. I know so many others who have been at a loss and suffering in their loneliness and sadness. I want to start by saying, you are the bravest people I know. You are not choosing to settle in the familiar, in the easy and in the comfortable. Instead, you are choosing you. You are choosing a better and happier life, for you.

But in this process, it is easy to start questioning your self-worth. To start questioning why you don’t have the love that you have always dreamt of. Why you are struggling. Why you are alone.

This has been a theme for me as well. I have been moving through questions on self-worth a lot lately.

I had an emotional breakdown a while ago because of my lack of self-worth. An old trigger showed up and I started to doubt everything I believed in and everything I knew. I began to wonder if it was all a lie; if everything I believed in was absolute bulls**t! I asked, “…if everything I did and everything I believed in was actually true and right, then how is it that I am in such sadness, loneliness and pain?”

I wondered why no one wanted me. Why I was always the backup plan for every man I have been interested in or with? Why did the two that I had chosen to commit to in the past only take advantage of me, abuse me, manipulate me, and try to break me? Why did they end up choosing others over me?

I began thinking I was not worthy of anything different — of anything better than what I had experienced.

I believed that I was not good enough to be loved. Not worthy of being loved in a nice way, in a good way, or in a healthy way. I thought I deserved the unhealthy “love” I had received in the past because I didn’t think I deserved better.

I asked….Who do I need to be for a man to love me?

I had been trying so hard to be this perfect person to feel better about myself, but I believed it was what I needed to finally feel worthy enough for others to love me, for a man to love me, or to want to be with me. But if I can’t seem to love myself unconditionally, how can I ever expect any man to love me? Again… I am not worthy of being loved — now because I can’t seem to love myself unconditionally!

As I went down this spiral of sadness, anger, and frustration, I began to question everything that I am. The angrier I got, the more frustrated I became with myself. 

Do you see what I was doing there? Those were all stories I was telling myself. I had moved into victim mode. But, with all that I have been learning lately in my shamanic work, I decided to sit in it, to feel it. To allow these emotions, pains and tears to flow through me. 

And so… finally I thought…

I am the most loving person I know! I am the easiest person to love!

Then I asked…then why am I trying so friggin’ hard?

Why am I trying so hard to be this perfect person? Why am I trying so hard to be a good daughter, sister, partner, friend, business owner? Why am I trying so hard when no matter how hard I try, I just keep on failing, feeling lost, and ending up alone?

Then I asked….so who do I need to BE to be loved?

That was when the exhaustion hit me. I was so tired from trying so hard all the time to be perfect, to be better, to heal and to keep growing. To be better at my job, in my friendships, with my family, and at doing all the right things to create the life I had always known was meant for me.

That was when the final question came… who do I need to be to love me? For ME to love me?

Here is what I want you to know, dear reader:

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t need to be fully healed, you don’t need to change and you don’t need to be anything different than who you are now to be deserving of love.

You don’t need to be skinnier, better looking, funnier, smarter, more charismatic, or successful to be worthy of love.

Whatever image you hold yourself up to, this perfect version of yourself you are working so hard towards…you don’t need to get to that final version of yourself to be worthy of being loved!

You don’t need to be those things in order for you to be worthy, to be treated properly and to be loved and cared for. You also don’t need them to be deserving of a good, healthy partner that would treat you right.

You don’t need any of those things. Why? Because every human being is deserving & worthy of love. 
Every. 
Living. 
Being! 
Worthy of good love, of honest love, of kindness and compassion. 
Every being.

Let alone someone like you! If you are reading this and if much of my work and posts resonate with you, then clearly you have been doing the work. I also know you have been through a lot and have worked hard to be who you are today.

So I say this without a doubt: You’re a beautiful, beautiful soul, a beautiful being, and you are so worthy of being loved.

You deserve to be loved for all parts of you, including the parts of you that are not so perfect or the parts of you that you are working on right now.

You deserve to be loved for who you are right now.
…for all the good you are right now and the beauty you already have. 
…for the kindness and compassion in your heart. 
…for all parts of you.

Who you already are and what you already possess is enough to be worthy of being loved.

You are worthy of receiving compassion and kindness from anyone, but especially from a partner. Remember, a partner is someone you’re going to be spending the majority of your time with, and building a life with. Your partner will be the one who’s opinions & thoughts you’re going to value, and who’s going to play a huge role in every decision you will make from the moment that you meet them.

And you’re so deserving of receiving it all!

I am writing this for you all, but as I am processing this, I am also writing this for myself.

You see, I had been so hard on myself for so many things! When I was in my downward spiral, I lost a lot of my self-worth. I could suddenly see myself as a woman who has aged and changed over time, I was not as once was. I could suddenly see all of the things I lacked, and the struggles I continue to have. I could see the traumas I still hold in my body and the triggers that continue to show up.

And then I wondered… how could anyone love all of that? How could anyone love me?

A few days later, I got my hair done in the early morning. After arriving home I began trying on different dresses to figure out what to pack for an upcoming trip. As I was passing by the mirror moving my hips a bit to the reggaeton music in the background, I saw my reflection. I saw myself for the first time as I used to when I felt better about myself. I really began enjoying the music and started dancing. I stopped, looked at myself and said Damn! I look beautiful!!! Sure, I’m not perfect (as I saw my belly for a brief second) and I AM BEAUTIFUL! And any man would be lucky to have me! Any person would be lucky to have me in their lives!

Why do I have to try so hard to change and be better?

I am beautiful! I am compassionate. I treat people well, I am honest, kind, thoughtful, intelligent and always full of good energy. I am so loving… and the easiest person to be loved! I am beautiful just as I am! I am worthy and deserving of all the love, just as I am! It doesn’t mean there is more I would like to work on, but I can do that even better from a place of love for every part of myself.

The thing is, my dear reader, all those standards that we are struggling to measure up to are placed on us and by our conditioning (the movies, our community, family, religion etc.) And as long as we keep feeding those standards with our lack of worthiness, then they will stay alive within us. And as long as they are alive, then we will never love ourselves for all the beauty that we possess. We will never love ourselves unconditionally.

Most importantly, as long as we don’t love ourselves unconditionally, how can we recognize it or believe it when someone else loves us unconditionally?

So no, you don’t need to be perfect. You are not lacking in anything. You deserve to see yourself for all that you are and all that you offer. For all the beauty you hold, the love within you, the intelligent mind that you carry and your beautiful connection to all things in this universe.

I will say it again,

You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of kindness.
You are worthy of compassion.
You are worthy of being treated right.
You are worthy enough to have a healthy relationship with healthy communication. 
You are so worthy to be told you’re beautiful all the time.
You are worthy to have fun and to laugh all the time.
You are worthy to feel free and safe.
You are worthy of stability and peace.
You are worthy of being seen for all that you are.
You are worthy to not be judged for your mistakes.
You are worthy of a partner who will never want to let you go, and for all the right reasons.
You are worthy of a partner who will be by your side during the toughest times, and won’t be able to sleep knowing you are crying or in pain.

You are worthy of love. 
You are worthy of the best kind of love, not just any love! But the best kind of love. 
Know you are worthy, know all that you are, and find your way to loving all parts of you.
But even if you can’t for now, know it’s okay. Because you are still worthy of being loved, just as you are, in this very exact moment.

So, to answer that final question from earlier… Who do I need to be to love me? For ME to love me?

I think we all know the answer now, and say it with me out loud…

I don’t need to be anything different than exactly as I am to be worthy of love.

With so much love, siempre,
Tula